Moving to France: Emotional Preparation

One day, sometime after your move to France, just when you think you’re settling in, you might experience a change in your attitude to your new country. Maybe it’s precipitated by a sudden change in the weather, domestic problems or cultural difficulties. There’s a problem with the plumbing, you can’t make yourself understood on the phone, the children come home complaining about their new school. Suddenly the ‘holiday’ feeling drains away. All you can think about is how good things were back in the UK. You are homesick.

We expect to face most life-changing experiences with careful planning and preparation. For the move to your new home in France this might have taken months or even years. You considered all the practical aspects. You made endless lists and worked through them. But what about your emotional preparation? It’s a common mistake to think that as France is our near neighbour and we have already become acquainted with some aspects of the French way of life then a permanent move there will not be so very different. We might undertake some language training but often underestimate the importance of researching the more subtle cultural differences that we are likely to encounter.

If you understand and anticipate it, much of the emotional stress and difficulty of relocation can be dealt with. Cultural trainers and psychotherapists agree that anyone who moves overseas will experience ‘cultural shock’ and will go through various stages in adapting to a new culture. Different family members may go through these stages at different times. The process is not always a straight line. You may go backwards and forwards between the stages over a period of time.

A smooth transition often depends on how the family prepare to leave, cutting the ties of involvement with a familiar pattern of life. It is necessary to deal with feelings of sadness and unresolved issues. Farewells need to be said to people and places. Strategies need to be thought through in order to maintain contact and relationships. Then, it is time to focus on your destination and the process of acculturation begins.

Elation: you have realised your dream and are ready for a new life. Differences seem charming; there are new and interesting people to meet; new places to explore. It’s a holiday feeling and should be enjoyed to the full.

Resistance: One day this feeling of stimulation and elation wears off. Suddenly life either seems rather flat or chaotic and confused. Initial attractions become irritating. You miss the familiarity of home. It all seems rather like hard work. At this stage, many ex-pats seek the companionship of others from their home country. They may even remain in this stage until it becomes an established way of life.

Transformation: In order to become integrated in your community it is necessary to work through this resistance. This is the time to embrace the new and exciting possibilities which present themselves. Inter-action with locals is of most benefit now. There is a willingness to accept guidance, advice and friendship but sometimes a rejection of one’s own culture, which can lead to problems if it becomes deep-rooted.

Integration: Ideally, this is where the natural course of acculturation leads.
You come to appreciate your own heritage and embrace your new way of life. Your energy, which at first was used to survive, is now used to thrive. There is a sense of balance in your life and an appreciation of the value of the move you have made.

Give yourself and your family time to go through this process and make the necessary adjustments. Enjoy your trips back home, visits from your family and friends, and your new community. You will find that you have all grown, both as individuals and as a family unit. The experiences, both good and bad, will become part of your shared family history. You will have learnt a lot along the way and added a rich new dimension to your life.

Jude Bowyer
Cross-Cultural Trainer